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MollyWass43
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Name: Andrew
Country: United States
State: Michigan
Metro: Lansing
Gender: Male
Interests: How in the world we ended up with such an idiot in office for another FOUR YEARS!. MUSIC, politics,friends and family. Roaming around in my speedo and jumping off of pieces of fiberglass or cement anywhere from 3 to 33ft in the air
Expertise: Not really sure, but I must be doing something right...
Occupation: Operations
Industry: Government
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  Snowbdr809
Member Since:
2/10/2005
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| i have 152 "friends" according to facebook. wow. that doesnt mean shit. i miss everyone that i cant see except for those few times every semester. i miss feeling like im at home. i miss feeling like i belong. i miss people who see me for me, and understand me. i miss having friends. out of those 152 so-called "friends" i feel like i can confide in two people here, and feel somewhat accepted with two more. day in and day out, im ridiculed for the way i dress, my opinions, my music, my way of living life. and i know the whole "who cares what people think? i dont" approach. ive done that. i have to do that. but im exhausted. im sick of being the butt of jokes, the point of which fingers and laughter are geared towards. i shouldnt have to feel like shit to be the way i am.
people here are shallow, close-minded, disgusting, immature, hateful people. i feel so out of place. im even beginning to feel out of place around my girlfriend (and she makes me feel like im home)
yes, i am different. but im not that different....am i?
and when the time comes for that long-waited over night stay with everyone at home, i feel out of place. the very people i love more than most of my family, i feel like a fly on the wall. i feel out of place around you all. (that rhyme wasnt intentional).
i feel like im being thrown out of any form of congregation and institution.
i just want to quit school. quit everything. and just listen to music, cuz that is the only thing ive ever been able to count on. its the only thing that has ever been there for me every time i needed it.
you can think that this is a simple misconception of the world around me.
its not. essentially, i have nobody.
im not asking for your pity. this is merely me putting thoughts into text. dont feel sorry for me. dont feel obligated to do anything. i know how it feels to be obligated. its bullshit.
And dont pray for me either, cuz i really have a hard time believing in god. or any god for that matter.
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| "There is a heart of such distress that I carry in this chest please reach out and caress in your pillowesque manner.
Front and center right here and right now I’m throwing in the towel I’ve committed too many fowls I’ve flown south.
My sprits turning sour I can’t go through another hour, me my precious pretty pink petite flower that blooms in the night and leave me in the dark by your moonlight no more fight. I never fought anywhere so I thawed and now I’m here on these knees distraught.
Crying out to you pretty please, pretty please take this disease turning these insides brown my smile turns to frown and my breathe smells like death.
Because I am dead to light and a light is something I don’t know that you would have me feel but this is for real and I need you right now, I need you right now." -bradley hathaway im depressed. i dont know why. i just am. i feel alone. i am alone. i am alone in a busy, busy atmosphere full of clicks and gossip with few people to count on. my head constantly hurts. i feel weak. im so tired. i want to sleep for days. i just want to leave. cry. sleep.
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| my brother-in-law's dad died. i dont know exactly what happened. all i know is that he was declared brain dead, and shortly after he died quickly. to make the whole thing worse. i found out through myspace, which fucking boggles my mind. the funeral is on wednesday, but its in new jersey, so no going for me. i guess thats ok. what a great way to start off the week! | | |
| i havent been this depressed since my sister died.
it really hurts when your mother tells you she hates you | | |
| its sunny out, but its cold. its spring, the flowers are dead. i want to walk and wonder. i want to hate you so much, so i can stop missing you. but i cant, nobody in the right mind could. you are an amazing person, and takes a toll on me knowing that i will never hold your hand again, never be able to look at you the same way as before. i want to replay the past year over and over, never ejecting the tape. i want to beg. i want to beg to have you back. but i have come to notice, much like the majority of things going in my life, there are no luxuries. its hard to stop loving you like i have been. ive been cut off, ive been cut apart. limb by limb. each step a sick and lame reach for relief. if i could find where my head is at, i would keep my eyes fixed on the ground. how could something so seemingly beautiful end like it has. why are we stopping now? why is this over? i guess ill take this, and add it to the list. how do i fall asleep? how do i wake in the morning? im exhausted, but i cant shut my eyes. i dont want to open them. for atleast a while, i want to be out of reality. "if prison is a cell, then it is raging through my blood". it is so much easier to hide in yourself. for now, i will wear a mask, as long as it makes looking at you easier. | | |
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